Out From Under

Hey, y’all!

It’s been awhile since I’ve updated. Oh, gawd, since, like, June?!

I had a really good summer! Even though I had a spurt of summertime depression in early July, it didn’t kill the rest of it. I’m a Summer Person; I’d rather be too hot than too cold. I love being able to take a dip in a lake or an ocean or a pool. I love how all of my freckles multiply and new ones come to stay. Mostly, I’m just the kind of person who loves to get away with wearing as little clothing as possible!

But I’m not finally updating this damn website to talk about the weather and how much of a thot I am for that Summertime radness.

I’ve been having a bit of a quiet crisis lately. I don’t know if I can call it “Imposter Syndrome,” per se, but I feel like a fraud. I’m not writing the way I used to and I want to get my mojo back.

About four months ago, I re-entered the workforce permanently after some time off on disability leave and a brief seasonal job back in the winter. It’s a part-time job, as that’s all my health will allow me to work for the time being. It’s been great easing back into earning a living. I like the job, the hours, my co-workers and my customers and I get an awesome employee discount!

The idea was that I’d be working these half-days, which would give me ample time to work on my writing and my podcast for the rest of the days. It hasn’t really worked out that way, though. If I come home straight after work, intending on bringing my laptop out, I find an excuse not to. Frankly, it’s wearing me down.

I’ve been involved in a podcast course. I’ve come to realize over the past couple of months, though, that my priorities have shifted. Or, to be even realer, that I didn’t realize that my priorities had shifted from my original intentions.

It’s been a month since I’ve put out any new podcast episodes. I have two interviews in my arsenal and I’ll make two new episodes based around them in November and December. I’ve decided that in the new year, I’ll take my podcast, Pop& Down, in a different, less labor-intensive, more personal direction. And, in a nice twist in favor in reconfiguring my priorities, the new direction will involve more writing! The new direction for the pod has me nervous, but in the long run, it will be better for my mental health.

So, after spending most of 2019 prioritizing my podcast over my writing—and frankly not writing very much for the past few months, since I began working—I decided to do the ol NaNoWriMo again! I had big success with it in 2017. It didn’t go so great in 2018. I was super prepared for 2019! I had a first chapter already (which I’d written in the summer for a contest I never heard back from). And yesterday, after powering through 400-some excruciating words… I was done. I was Just Not Into writing a damn novel.

So, I’ve decided that I’m not going to focus on writing a novel I don’t want to write. Instead, I’m going to schedule real time each day to work on my short stories, poems, essays and pitches.

I think what’s really been missing from my life is some real-time critiques. I’m going to look into taking some new writing classes next year. But in the meantime, I’m gonna post a few things from my personal archives (and have each been rejected by different publishers!) in my “Writing” section.

Since Mercury’s in retrograde, I figured I’d share a poem I wrote in honor of one of my favorite fictional characters, Mavis Gary, called Mercury Retrograde (an Ode to Mavis Gary).

I’ve been having a bad go with my trichotillomania lately, so I figured why not share this poem I wrote about trich, The Pull.

And finally, since I’m excited to go to Brooklyn and see our friends this week, here’s a little piece of creative non-fiction called My Terrible Friend.

Let me know what you think, won’t you?

Well, this has been a cathartic little blog for me. Hopefully my next blog will have me sharing good news again! Now to just do the actual work that leads to future good news…